Why is it so difficult? The love of a mother, even if she did not carry her for 9 months and birth her, run very deep. God made us that way. Yet, when a travesty occurs like a young daughter running away after you’ve homeschooled her and known just about every move she has made for the last 17 years…My! you just don’t see this kind of thing coming. If she left with our blessing then, I do believe that the feelings of sadness would be less painful because the separation would be mutual. The agreement would be there. But the pain of knowing there was no blessing given. The utter disbelief that this has happened to me! I think that is the key! I am looking at how she hurt me! Not how she is hurting. Not how she needs a loving Father! But…
It’s as if… there was a break up of a husband that I loved and he just left me for another woman. Left because he didn’t love me anymore, or he just wanted to do his own thing and really didn’t care if it hurt me or not. He really didn’t care what scars he left behind.
It’s as if… a death in my close family occurred, but then almost worse maybe-like a suicide. Yes, because suicide is the highest form of selfishness. That person doesn’t care about the collateral damage that he or she leaves in taking their own life.
It’s as if… my very best friend decides that she no longer wants anything at all to do with me, and finds a new friend but never tells me she just leaves and never calls again.
It’s as if… my mother or father disown me, tell people that they don’t want anything to do with me and never call to see how I’m doing and never let me know how they’re doing.
All these as if’s are born out of insecurity! They are satan’s way of tormenting me. My life means more to my God, my husband and best friend, brother and father-Jesus Christ. He loves me and He desires my closeness. He is a jealous God and wants my attention.
What satan had me believing, reminiscing, crying and deliberating over is the fact that my daughter left without a word of knowledge to me, and that I can actually do something about her life and get her to change!
This my friends is a bold faced lie! I cannot change my daughter. I cannot make her come back. I cannot talk her into changing her mind. I cannot convince her that she is making a grave mistake. ONLY GOD can turn a person’s heart. He is the one and only supernatural being that has the ability to move mountains and turn the heart of a king!
I refuse to linger in the thoughts of the what if, where is she, if she only, if I had, if I do, if I could just talk to her…and so on ANYMORE!!!!!
My God is bigger than all of these lies and He wants me to be free!!!! Of course, I know that I am not the only one that He desires this for. He feels the same about my daughter and about you.
So we are responsible for our own actions whether or not we choose to take that responsibility. If I continue to cry over what someone else’s decision is in life when I have NO power over the outcome than I am being anxious for NOTHING! and that is against my precious Father.
What am I going to dwell on? Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh LORD, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14
What am I going to talk about? Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24
What am I going to pray about? So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:11
Am I going to run myself down? It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person. Matthew 15:11
Am I going to forget God’s Word? This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Joshua 1:8
Who am I going to listen to? All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness. 2 Timothy 3:16
Am I going to just give up? Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12
Am I going to push away those around me? But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
I have a husband who loves me dearly. I have a son who is so willing to please me and loves to learn and enjoys being around us!. I have an older daughter who is coming back to the Lord and is taking on new responsibilities in life. I have a grandson who loves for me to pick him up from school and spend time with him and my son, I have a mother who prays for me, enjoys my company and makes me laugh and I have a large spiritual family who loves and supports me. Most importantly I have a God who died for me that I might live freely and abundantly.
Why am I spinning my wheels on a daughter sho has decided to leave the safety and supportive home and cares not for us? No more!
I love her but I give her over to God. He is waiting for me to let go and give him the reins.
I do, Lord – She is yours.
imamomandanani2 