That Day…

I will always remember this day.  The day I found an index card with the words written “I’m sorry, I love you but I can’t stay”  The day my beautiful daughter left our home early one morning while it was still dark outside, while the rest of us were yet sleeping.  You were 18 years and 25 days and left on your horse, Liberty-how fitting his name.

I know as of this writing that you have been planning this for some time.  I know you are trying to find your way.  We’ve always told you that one day you would be doing this but I so hoped that it would be with our blessing.

Please know that we want the very best for you.  We want all the options to be available for you.  We had lots of hopes for this summer and next.  Thinking that next year would be your big graduation trip.

I am hopeful that this time away will be short and that we can come into agreement with some things and you will find your way back.  Sometimes spreading your wings for the first flight isn’t always when you begin soaring.

There will always be rules wherever you find yourself.  There will always be a law to follow.  There is no getting away from that.

You are 18 years and 25 days old but I had hoped that you would stay at home until you were married and or established somewhere with a stable job at the very least, graduated.

The wonderful things about being at home are that you have a family to fall back on, a family that will support you in good and bad times.  Somethings may need to be worked out for you to come back home.  Some rules may need to be re-established.  These agreements will be good for all of us.  We have your younger brother to think about too.

You are a daughter of the most high God.  You always will be, IF you so choose.  John 1:12  But as many as received him, to them gave the power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.  No one can take that away from you.  EVER!   Only you yourself,  if you choose the flesh instead of Him.   He will always be there for you Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not ever forget this truth.  Keep that relationship number ONE.

The world will lie to you and tell you that you can have both – say your flesh desires and God, in a very base way that’s true because God does not leave you EVER…but God is a jealous God.  He requires to be FIRST.  He desires that time with you.  He is at the door of your heart knocking.  Please answer that knock.  Do not ignore the Holy Spirit who calls to you.

If you do not put Him first then your life will be more difficult.  The road you walk on will be rocky and times will be tough.  I just read something on FB.  “You can’t hold hands with God and dance with the devil”  That’s one way to put it.

But as parents,  we did not want you to have to go through difficult times that you have seen others go through – JUST for the “freedom” of independence.  You can have independence living in our family home and under our roof.  We bought that mobile home for you.  The only reason that you have been limited with access to it is because of your actions.  Your choices.  You have to admit you made some bad ones.  You put yourself in harm’s way and we were doing everything we could to protect you and your brother.  Giving you hopeful expectations to boot.

Daddy said to you if you choose to leave, leave with our blessing.  Say goodbye to us.  Take responsibility and face your decisions.  He gave you instructions and told you the way to go about it.  He said one way to leave if, you so choose the flesh, is with the shoes on your feet…another way would be with EVERYTHING, choosing the Spirit and life-, where you may stay or you may go.  In this way, you would have our support.   Just do not leave without announcing that you were leaving, do not follow after the flesh.  We could not have stopped you but no proper goodbye leaves us hanging.  Sort of like a death.

No explanation, just hiding.  No preparation, no planning together, just sneaking and lying.  No pleasure in the knowledge of your whereabouts, just emptiness and having to speak through others as if you were in jail.  No kindness, just hatred.  So non-caring, without compassion.   So heartless.  So selfish.  No openness just closed doors.  No crying for joy that you were stepping out on your own and we could help you move in, just sneaking out and leaving us in the lurch.  No happy tears, just very sad weeping groans.

What about the times looking forward with gatherings this summer in the front house?  What about the singing and talking openly about the Lord with old and new friends over every week?  What about the safe space for people to come? What about our new found relationship as sisters that was forming?  What about our trip to California in four days? What about your participation in the World Equine Games?  I was so so happy for you, remember happy tears?  We could switch and I could go with you instead of Daddy.  That was not set in stone.

We still had plans.

What about spelling this summer to help you in your future endeavors.  Finding new ways to learn.

What about co-op next year and your graduation with friends?  You so wanted that.

What about your relationship with your brother?

What about the barn you and Daddy were going to build this summer?  What about the gate between the neighbor’s property and ours so you could ride Liberty over there freely?

What did you give all that up for?  And that is only the physical things that were listed…

I will never forget that day.  I only hope it will be a long-lasting lesson learned, that we can develop our new found relationship from.

Please let it be so, Lord Jesus.  Please let it be so.